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Metro Manners

in Local Questions & Answers

1. • Chantilly, VA

   • 7 friends
   • 161 reviews

   This is just a random rant about my personal experience riding the Metro...
   Only ONCE when I was noticeably pregnant did someone offer to give up their seat for me on the Orange Line to Vienna. One time.
   The other times, people either buried their faces in their newspapers or suddenly had a very interesting piece of lint on their sleeve. I also saw teenagers hogging seats on the Metro and not let the elderly or someone holding a baby take a seat.
   I don't expect today's youth to have the greatest manners, but for the most part, the offenders were MEN! 50ish year old men that were raised in a generation where men gave up their seats on the bus for ladies (not to mention pregnant ladies!). In general, I expect most people to have some compassion and see that the mother struggling to hold her fidgety 18 month old could really use a break. That the grey haired lady carrying two bags would really like to sit down but she doesn't want to ask. Or maybe it looks like someone has really had a bad day and they could use a little kindness.
   When there's so much crap in the world, so much crap with the economy, stress about losing your job, losing your house, losing your mind ... something as nice as standing so someone else can rest is such a gift.
   Please consider it the next time you see someone who could use your seat.

2. • Kathleen, GA

   • 146 friends
   • 556 reviews

   I agree with Barbara - it amazes me that many grown men don't give up their seats for the elderly, pregnant, or even those who happen to have a lot of bags.
   But I do remember sitting next to a friend of mine who happens to be a guy in his twenties and he saw a woman who probably was pregnant but didn't want to offer her his seat just in case she was only just fat and offend her. So he still had good intentions, I guess?

3. • Reston, VA

   • 20 friends
   • 42 reviews
4. • Seattle, WA

   • 374 friends
   • 1226 reviews

   Well that's one of the things you have to take into account when you choose to have unprotected sex....that you may get pregnant and that people may not be willing to give up their seats on Metro for you.
   (On that note, I should say that I do give up my seat for the elderly, the very pregnant, and young children who could use a rest.)

5. • New York, NY

   • 0 friends
   • 0 reviews

   I agree with nadine. Life has no guarantees, if you're pregnant and expect someone to give up their seat because of your decisions...then you got another thing coming. I've had a kid of my own and I preferred to stand on the train when I lived in DC. Your decision in life shouldn't affect everyone else, that's ridiculous. Everyone is entitled to a seat if they'd like, you don't know their situation. They could look otherwise healthy but have joint problems or something. My sister looks healthy but she has joint pain associated with her raynauds syndrome and lupus condition.
   Why is it men are expected to give up their seat? Why can't women give them up just as easily? Women aren't the frail creatures some of you seem to think we are. Like I said...you don't know their situation.

6. • Silver Spring, MD

   • 422 friends
   • 356 reviews

   Grumble...... I'm friends with the lot of you so I hope I don't terminate our relationship by saying y'all deserve a bitch slap.
   In short - on a crowded train and there are no seats available, then a pregnant woman or elderly person comes on board - you get off your ass and give them your seat....... especially if you are sitting in the seat that is designated for them. It shouldn't even be a thought - it should be an automatic reaction.

7. • Washington, DC

   • 149 friends
   • 449 reviews

   this convo is so much bigger than the metro - it reflects a large part of our society and manners, or lack thereof

8. • Arlington, VA

   • 200 friends
   • 0 reviews
9. • Washington, DC

   • 152 friends
   • 176 reviews

   Johnathan you're just being silly. This only becomes a feminist issue because only a woman can get pregnant. The key point is that it is deemed polite to let someone have your seat who seems like they are in a fragile state be it elderly pregnant, on crutches, a man or woman carrying a fidgety kid, etc. It's just like holding the door for someone be they male or female. You don't have to to do it but it would be considered a kind act.
   Of course the focus of this disdain for lack of manners gets focused on men because not too long ago it was you all who were taught this sort of behavior (anyone remember chivalry?) but now that we've killed that I still don't see it as being a terrible thing for any able bodied person to be nice and let someone who is obviously struggling to have a freakin' seat.
   Also, I'm with you Zhenya. Never judge a book by it's cover and it shouldn't just fall on men.

10. • Silver Spring, MD

    • 1225 friends
    • 1617 reviews

    Hail mic! What's wrong with ya'll? This is not an issue of equal rights and unprotected sex... WTH? It is about respect for your elders and showing some common courtesy. Yes, you should ALWAYS offer your seat to the elderly AND to a pregnant woman. Some people DO get pregnant on purpose, you know. And if I was a married guy with a pregnant wife, I'd like to know that there are some thoughtful people who would be caring enough to let my wife with my unborn child have a seat. Pregnant women go through a lot (gestational diabetes for example) and even if you are wrong and the woman you offer your seat to is indeed fat, so what. You still did a good deed.

11. • Reston, VA

    • 20 friends
    • 42 reviews
12. • Fort Lee, NJ

    • 51 friends
    • 188 reviews

    If you're pregnant, tired or too weak to be standing on your own 2 feet, then drive or get a taxi. Whether young or old, pregnant or not, you are riding a public transportation and should not expect someone to offer you a seat. Everyone is tired, everyone is stressed these days!

13. • Washington, DC

    • 261 friends
    • 301 reviews

    Wow! Thanks yelpers for providing me with a rare moment of inclusiveness. I thought I'd be the only ass in the room.
    Offering favors to someone who appears weak is as potentially offensive as it is courteous. If someone really looks like they want a seat, I'll usually just get up & move at a moment that will provide the person with a good chance to sit down without feeling like they've taken a handout. That, or if I know someone needy is going to be getting on, I just won't sit down in the first place. There's all sorts of ways to be quietly chivalrous without catering to princess mentalities or implying need or superiority.
    Libby, I think most the criticism is aimed at people who demand special treatment but don't deserve it. I would hope all of us would get up for an old lady, but in most cases it's someone who's less needy and more in control.

14. • Seattle, WA

    • 374 friends
    • 1226 reviews

    It really bothers me when people go off on their 'Oh these kids today have no manners' kick. I would be dead many times over if not for the kindness of strangers. They have always helped me when it matters the most.
    A lot of these people who are too worn out from the day to give up their seat WOULD help you if your wallet or cellphone was stolen, your car broke down on the side of the road in a bad neighborhood, you got lost and needed a ride, you were being chased by rabid monkeys, etc. So no, it doesn't bother me that much that they're not willing to give up a seat on the Metro, because I don't think they're evil people who hate women and old people. Maybe they're just tired as well.

15. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    You know where I stand (cause fuckers ain't giving up their seats...j/k), I totally agree w/ Jonathan. Smart man.
    And yes Libby, I realize some women plan their pregnancy. They should also plan to stand when no one will give up their seat. They didn't check with the rest of the world. If I were a married guy w/ a pregnant wife I'd find a better way for her to get around.
    It irks the hell out of me when I see a group of old biddies messing with another person to get them to give up their seat to someone else. If it were me...I'd channel Rosa Parks and say no.

16. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    Once again, I agree with Nadine. As cruel as I am...I would still help a victim of a crime. Not getting a seat on the bus or train is uncomfortable maybe, but not a crime.
    The only time I ever gave up my seat on the train was to a blind woman. She came up to me and didn't have to say a word. I was gone.

17. • Kathleen, GA

    • 146 friends
    • 556 reviews

    It seems like most people here are in favor of good manners but think it's outrageous for someone to expect good manners.
    Barbara is not talking about being upset when walking onto the train and not everyone jumping up to their feet to offer her their space- she's talking about walking on to a crowded train and NO ONE giving their seat. Numerous times.
    As for Jina's comment about how pregnant and elderly should take cabs, plenty of pregnant women and eldelrly people still need to take the metro to get into work. Funny how you say 'everyone is stressed these days!' (which I assume is about the economy), but you expect Barbara to pay for a cab out to Vienna each day?

18. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    I don't know why making someone give up their seat is considered good manners. Last I heard this was the land of the free...are those ideals still in place? So what if no one gives up their seat, numerous times. It's just the world we live in. Chivalry died out ages ago.
    And what do I care if Barbara takes a cab out to Vienna each day? Are we all now expected to know everyone's work or school route and take that into account? She can get a car if she needs a way to get around.

19. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    I subscribe to darwins theory of evolution. Survival of the fittest. Not the fattest.

20. • Fort Lee, NJ

    • 51 friends
    • 188 reviews

    Ann, Just as I don't expect someone to take cabs everyday to work, don't expect people to give up seats JUST because you look pregnant or JUST because....You know, when it comes to bad manners on metro, we should be talking about people who take up 2 seats just to put their bag/jacket instead of putting them on their lap.

21. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    BTW...just thought it'd be worth it to mention that I've NEVER once seen a person give up their seat to a morbidly obese person. They'll make fatty stand...oh but the soccer mom and her kid are too fragile.

22. • Seattle, WA

    • 374 friends
    • 1226 reviews

    Zhenya, I wouldn't say chivalry is dead...It just doesn't exist in big cities. It was a huge culture shock coming from Texas to DC. I'd never had to open my own door or carry a box or luggage. If I even *looked* at a box, some nice guy would say, 'Is that your box? Let me carry it for you!' Needless to say, I quickly discovered how heavy boxes and doors are upon moving to DC.
    And the behavior is reciprocal. My first week in DC, I saw this guy across the street drop his groceries. He was struggling to pick them up, so I crossed four lanes of traffic to help him. He got angry and freaked out that I was trying to help him put his groceries back in the bag. I quote, 'GET AWAY FROM ME!!!! I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!'
    But hey guys, take note. Due to DC's lack of chivalry, any token nice gesture you make will be noticed (by the ladies).

23. • Gaithersburg, MD

    • 757 friends
    • 1063 reviews

    What a great debate for a dreary Wednesday morning!!!
    I think that it's a courtesy for people to offer up their seats to others (elderly, handicapped, etc) - but that means *people*, not just men. If a 99 year old with a crutch and carrying 3 heavy bags get on the train, it shouldn't matter if it's a man or a woman sitting in the closest seat, it's a courtesy for them to get up for the 99 year old.
    However, that being said - I know that sometimes people aren't quite as happy being offered a seat.
    In Asia, subway courtesy is really big over there. While we were in Taiwan a few years ago, we got on a crowded subway train and a really nice young lady and her friend next to her, quickly got up to offer their seats to my parents. My mom gladly sat down, but my dad, who was only 60, and was horribly offended. He was nice and polite to the young ladies, but he was hurt for the rest of the day that he would look so old and feeble as to be offered a seat! So it's not always the case that every old person is looking for a seat.
    And I have to agree with Jonathan. *Expecting* people to give up their seat is selfish. People should do it as common courtesy to others, because that's how they would like their loved ones to be treated in a similar situation...and hopefully how they will be treated themselves one day. However, not knowing what everyone's situation is on a train, it's rude to expect someone to give up their seat for you, just because you feel that your tired feet have a greater need then someone else's.

24. • Seattle, WA

    • 374 friends
    • 1226 reviews

    Olivia, you're so right....I do give up my seat all the time, but I do it because it's the polite thing to do, and that's how I was raised, not because I'm expected to or because one person is more worthy of the seat than the other.

25. • San Jose, CA

    • 44 friends
    • 63 reviews

    Seriously, just give up your damn seat!!!! S/he's fuggin pregnant.... or elderly.... or injured.... whatever! Is it seriously that big an issue to help someone out and ALL you have to do is stand up for a few minutes until your next stop? Any of you heard of 'pay it forward'?

26. • Gaithersburg, MD

    • 757 friends
    • 1063 reviews

    Super quick - and addendum to my argument...on the Metro, there are the 'special' seats that state that those seats should be given up to the elderly or disabled...so if someone happens to be sitting in those seats, yes, I do expect people to get up for elderly or disabled because those seats are specially reserved for them. However, I don't see that as a courtesy, but more of a mandated thing.
    But back to the pregnant women on the subway argument...in the interest of full disclosure: yes, I am a babymaker-hater. Yes, I will probably join the ranks of babymaking in the next year or two (so I'll be hatin' on myself...feel pity on my husband!!!)...but I would hope that even in my hormone-fueled moments of crazy, I wouldn't expect to be treated any differently then I am now.
    Yes, pregnant women are carrying around 30 extra pounds...but you know what? I lost 40+ pounds 2 years ago...I didn't expect anyone to give up their seat to me when I was 40 pounds heavier (and I also had swollen feet, achy back, and extreme tiredness after walking a block), so why should I expect someone to give up their seat to me when I gain 30 pounds in my belly?
    It would be nice if people offered (because I'm lazy and hate standing) - but if they don't, you know what? It's their perogative and if I'm really that tired, I'll lean against the wall.

27. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews
28. • Rockville, MD

    • 127 friends
    • 261 reviews

    'Expecting' someone to give up their seat or to 'show compassion' is unreasonable. No one owes anyone anything and we should be grateful for any small courtesy we are given. 'I expect' are very selfish words.
    But sitting down when an elderly person with a walker is standing in front of you on a crowded train and you're obviously able-bodied and covering your face with your Wall Street Journal (I have seen this happen) is selfish as well.
    Bottom line... If this were YOUR elderly, disabled grandparent, or YOUR pregnant wife with painfully swollen feet on a crowded train, I am pretty sure you wouldn't be thinking, 'oh well... getting old happens' or 'we CHOSE to get pregnant, so it's cool if she stands for the next 45 minutes or so.'
    Gotta love this culture and its stance of 'looking out for number one.'

29. • Gaithersburg, MD

    • 757 friends
    • 1063 reviews

    Actually, this thread has made me really think about the circumstances when I would go out of my way to be nice to people (and I'm a naturally selfish person, I admit!)...
    I would and have given up my seat for the elderly and the disabled without a second thought. I help them cross the street, carry their bags to their car, and heck I even let old people cut me off in traffic without a honk or a flip of the bird!
    However, there is just some part of me that refuses to acknowledge pregnancy as a special class. That doesn't mean I don't think that pregnancy isn't hard - it is (my friends have shared WAY too many details for me to ever think that pregnancy is a cake walk)...however, to me, if you are healthy and pregnant - you are more then able to carry that baby.
    I hate to pull this out - but my grandmother used to always laugh at my aunts when they got pregnant and started moaning about how hard it was to get in and out of the car...she would remind them that while she was pregnant with each and every one of them (she had 5 kids), she was out planting and picking rice, lugging water from the well to the house, and cooking over a hot, unventilated stove for all the men and children - all without complaint about how hard it was to do all her chores to keep the family running.
    I guess I just sort of feel that if my tiny little 4'5' grandmother could do all this in a rural and poor village in China...then we as well-fed, well-educated, capable and strong women should be able to walk an extra 10 feet to go to the store without having special parking spaces, or have people treat us like we're fragile and ready to break.
    Of course, like I said, I haven't been pregnant, so I may change my tune when I am...but I hope I don't.

30. • Gaithersburg, MD

    • 757 friends
    • 1063 reviews

    Actually, this thread has made me really think about the circumstances when I would go out of my way to be nice to people (and I'm a naturally selfish person, I admit!)...
    I would and have given up my seat for the elderly and the disabled without a second thought. I help them cross the street, carry their bags to their car, and heck I even let old people cut me off in traffic without a honk or a flip of the bird!
    However, there is just some part of me that refuses to acknowledge pregnancy as a special class. That doesn't mean I don't think that pregnancy isn't hard - it is (my friends have shared WAY too many details for me to ever think that pregnancy is a cake walk)...however, to me, if you are healthy and pregnant - you are more then able to carry that baby.
    I hate to pull this out - but my grandmother used to always laugh at my aunts when they got pregnant and started moaning about how hard it was to get in and out of the car...she would remind them that while she was pregnant with each and every one of them (she had 5 kids), she was out planting and picking rice, lugging water from the well to the house, and cooking over a hot, unventilated stove for all the men and children - all without complaint about how hard it was to do all her chores to keep the family running.
    I guess I just sort of feel that if my tiny little 4'5' grandmother could do all this in a rural and poor village in China...then we as well-fed, well-educated, capable and strong women should be able to walk an extra 10 feet to go to the store without having special parking spaces, or have people treat us like we're fragile and ready to break.
    Of course, like I said, I haven't been pregnant, so I may change my tune when I am...but I hope I don't.

31. • Silver Spring, MD

    • 422 friends
    • 356 reviews

    I am having a hard time guessing who's being sincere and those who are being outrageous for the sake of being so, and I wish I had a computer handy to put up a couple of links to inform the ignorant, but just google pregnancy and find out what happens to a woman, as well as miscarriages, then post more comments. It'll help seperate the smart asses from the assholes.

32. • Alexandria, VA

    • 14 friends
    • 0 reviews

    I remember offering my seat to a woman who I thought was pregnant.
    Let's just say the ride didn't end well.

33. • Seattle, WA

    • 374 friends
    • 1226 reviews

    lol mister nice guy....I agree that pregnancy is a sticky issue. You never want to assume a woman is pregnant unless you actually see a baby coming out of her at that very moment.

34. • Elmwood Park, IL

    • 127 friends
    • 260 reviews

    For me it's just common courtesy. If a woman is 8 months pregnant, yeah, she probably needs to take a load off and not be bumping all into other passengers standing in the aisle.

35. • Worcester, MA

    • 17 friends
    • 0 reviews

    Every time I've offered my seat to someone in those categories they either give me an attitude or refuse it, or walk away and don't say anything. I gave up. To hell with it.

36. • Arlington, VA

    • 77 friends
    • 139 reviews

    I haven't read through this entire thread yet, but I do want to say that while agree with the 'your pregnancy, your fault' sentiment, I must be fair and point out that the first few seats are reserved for the elderly and the handicapped (while 'pregnancy' isn't spelled out I think it qualifies as socially handicapped during the last few months). Regardless, you can't dispute the fact that the elderly and handicapped deserves those first 4-8 seats with the sign that's right above them--if you ignore it then you're just an arsehole!
    I never ask anyone to give up a seat for me. EVER. I refuse to wear sneakers during my commute, so I get on that train every day and sometimes I'm in hot looking heels, and a very kind man will want to give up his seat, but i say 'nay, kind sir.'

37. • Gaithersburg, MD

    • 757 friends
    • 1063 reviews

    OMG...Bassey, can I steal your line and say 'nay, kind sir' as well??? Because that is beyond awesome!!!

38. • Seattle, WA

    • 374 friends
    • 1226 reviews

    ooo Bassey, no sneakers? Do you have some special heels that don't hurt, or are you just toughing it out? I'm impressed. I don't do sneakers, but I always carry around the least offensive-looking pair of flip-flops I own.

39. • Fairfax, VA

    • 282 friends
    • 1473 reviews

    Nadine F. says:
    Zhenya, I wouldn't say chivalry is dead...It just doesn't exist in big cities.
    -------------------------------------------
    Perhaps you meant to say American big cities? This kind of 'chivalry' or common courtesy exists in Asian metropolitan cities up to 3 times larger than the Washington Metro area. My guess is that it's probably more to do with the culture than the population.

40. • Reston, VA

    • 20 friends
    • 42 reviews

    Nadine F. says:
    ooo Bassey, no sneakers? Do you have some special heels that don't hurt, or are you just toughing it out? I'm impressed. I don't do sneakers, but I always carry around the least offensive-looking pair of flip-flops I own.
    -------------------------------------
    Try gel heel pad.

41. • Arlington, VA

    • 77 friends
    • 139 reviews

    Yeah, I tough it out--it's just a sartorial ethos that I refuse to be rational about. However, I have lectured my gf's that flip flops and basic flats are definitely okay. Sneakers???? Oh hell no!
    Fenny, the line is yours, go for it.
    But back to the thread. Again, i've been skimming, but I believe this shouldn't be an issue about feminism as both men AND women are expected to give up their seats if they're sitting in those reserved areas and encounter a person who qualifies for it. Whoever brought up the example about holding the door for someone--right on! that's exactly how i view it. However, I NEVER give up my seat to small children. Is it just me or shouldn't they learn to tough it out? I don't know, i don't feel sorry for them, in those regards.
    Now, another metro pet peeve....people who lean against the poles, denying its use to other passengers. WTF? It's not YOUR pole! And yes, i've seen it done on several occasions when the train has been crowded enough to need the use of that pole.
    Funny story: Once, there was a guy with a bike who fell asleep and left his bike severly blocking one of the metro doors. It was really annoying watching people have to squeeze around his bike while he snoozed--everyone was kind of whispering and giving him sly looks. Finally, this one guy gets off, takes the bike with him and leaves it next to the trash can. All of a sudden, the other passengers where all--how rude! no he didn't! I wanted to make love to that awesome stranger and high-five him the entire time.

42. • Elmwood Park, IL

    • 127 friends
    • 260 reviews

    Small children are springy. My knees hurt, I wanna sit down.

43. • Alexandria, VA

    • 14 friends
    • 0 reviews

    I look at it this way.
    I don't see that many women giving up seats for men.
    So I am supposed to just get up because this chick went to a bar, met some random dude
    fornicated without protection and now calls him incessantly at his job wondering when he will call her back
    or crawl on top of her pasty skeletal body in hopes to recapture that alcohol soaked night waking up smelling like Newport lights and petroleum jelly?
    I am sorry, not happening.
    When I had my little infection and could barely walk, no one gave me a seat. Well maybe I should have worn underwear and not worn shorts....but that is besides the point.
    There is one thing we all know about pregnant women. They had sex, and sex doesn't = a free seat!

44. • Worcester, MA

    • 17 friends
    • 0 reviews
45. • Rockville, MD

    • 127 friends
    • 261 reviews

    Bassey, totally agree. Little kids have tons of energy.

46. • Kathleen, GA

    • 146 friends
    • 556 reviews

    Yes, Mr. Nice Guy, because that's the only way babies are made.

47. • Arlington, VA

    • 200 friends
    • 0 reviews
48. • Arlington, VA

    • 77 friends
    • 139 reviews

    i give up seats for elderly men ALL THE TIME. Every time. No question. If I see an old man, aww and if they have a cane and a fedora, I'm up! Just like that!
    If that post-op guy who got pregnant got on the train, YES I WOULD GIVE MY SEAT TO HIM.

49. • Kathleen, GA

    • 146 friends
    • 556 reviews
50. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    Mr Nice Guy...it's like you were there! How do you know all this? Have you been spying on me?

51. • Arlington, VA

    • 77 friends
    • 139 reviews
52. • Alexandria, VA

    • 14 friends
    • 0 reviews

    Yes Zhenya....I watched as you had sex.
    I look at wire whisk egg beaters and turkey basters in a new light.
    Thanks

53. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    :- What a humbling experience Mister Nice Guy. You never realize how rough food has it until you've had cooking utensils and accessories used on you.

54. • Washington, DC

    • 152 friends
    • 176 reviews

    Johnathan, in this case I am not talking about chivalry by its extended history of knights, valor, dominance, or chastity but of manners or even just kindness and courtesy. Yes, I have heard about showing dominance in a handshake. I have read info on the subject but thanks for the tip. What I am saying is that not everyones motives are a display of dominance, especially since body language is both learned and natural. I don't shake someones hand firmly because it is necessarily in me to do but because I have been told repeatedly of how it can be interpreted.
    I don't think anyone should expect it but it is nice when it happens. If someone gets an attitude then oh well. I have never had anyone who looked like they were in distress (male or female) decline my offer with a negative reaction but if they did I am pretty sure that I would just snap back and keep my seat. No biggie.
    Not all pregnant people look uncomfortable so I don't think it is a matter of them automatically fitting in that category. I think it's just as silly to get offended by an offer as it is to expect special treatment. I can honestly say that I've never seen people actually ask for a seat unless it was the case of someone having their belongings in it.
    Donald, I think you're right. It is all about the culture and not the city because plenty of DC natives have old school rules when it comes to this sort of thing.

55. • Washington, DC

    • 152 friends
    • 176 reviews

    Bassey, that story is so funny but I would have just woke dude up and told him that he needed to move the bike.
    Fenny, your grandma is so right. I am deathly afraid of giving birth. I know it has been done since the beginning of man but screw that crap. My grandma said that it is the closest a woman comes to death and I am in no rush to experience that feeling. Granted she had 13 kids but still Hahaha!

56. • Carrboro, NC

    • 90 friends
    • 223 reviews

    Simple solution to this problem. Next time you're on a crowded train, and struggling with your kid(s), how about politely asking someone, 'Do you mind if we sit down?' I'm pretty sure that at least ONE person will respond. I've seen people do this quite well on crowded buses.
    I think you'll feel better if you do your part to take control of the situation instead of waiting for other people to act.
    I really sympathize with your situation. Other people can't read your mind, though, or don't want to 'assume' anything (like these other people so bluntly pointed out). If you're on a crowded train, that 'crowd mentality' has a tendency to take over. No one will respond, ironically, because they're all expecting someone else to take responsibility, or they're looking to everyone else for cues about what to do.

57. • Seattle, WA

    • 374 friends
    • 1226 reviews

    I once gave up my sweet window seat on a trans-Atlantic flight so a 70-year-old man could sit next to his wife. It turns out his seat was in one of the middle seats next to a guy who kept putting his hand in his pants and fondling himself all the way from New York to London.
    Never again will I give up my seat for couples reunification. They have the rest of their lives to spend together, and I got the window seat because I bought my ticket earlier and picked the seat.

58. • Manhattan, NY

    • 55 friends
    • 15 reviews

    I am a little flabbergasted by this thread. I'm not going to get into families with kids, older people, and women that may or may not be 'somewhat pregnant' but when it comes to obviously pregnant women, I just don't get all the hate. At that point, it shouldn't even come down to whether the person asks for a seat or not.
    1) 100% with Mic on miscarriage, the difficulties of being pregnant, and the fact that you freaking give your seat to pregnant women if you can (you=all of you, regardless of gender. I agree this is not just about men). I'm not saying they are 'entitled' to having a seat to those of you bristling at that concept, but that they are going through a lot of shit and could probably use some time off their feet. Even if they are healthy, there are so many potential complications. Granted, if you have an extreme situation that you think makes you deserve a seat, perhaps you can forego giving it up, but come on, I refuse to believe 90% of a train car had something that traumatic happen to them that day. And yes, there are seats with signs on them for a reason. If you're so 'unlucky' to be sitting in one when someone who needs it more than you comes along, just imagine how they feel.
    2) To assume that most pregnant women are pregnant not by choice is the most ignorant thing I've ever heard.
    3) To assume that pregnant women who may or may not have made a poor choice OR been one of those who did everything right and still ended up pregnant don't deserve the same treatment as those who planned it is absurd; they are still going through the same thing and why are you potentially punishing the child for the mother? Or for that matter, why do you feel the need to make things worse for the mother who already is probably dealing with a lot more shit than most of the people on yelp have to?
    4) To assume that a pregnant woman would have the ability to just take cabs everywhere, have a ride, not need to go to work, etc, is also completely ignorant. When all of you are pregnant and trying to figure out how to make ends meet, live your life, etc all while taking care of a child in your belly because the world DOESN'T stop when you're pregnant, have fun. And yes, many women throughout history have had to do hard labor while pregnant so standing on the train may not seem like such a big deal in comparison. However, many women also had high percentages of miscarriages, birth defects, stillborns, etc probably because of those things.
    I'm not saying that pregnant women won't survive if they have to stand for one ride. And I'm not saying you're evil if you don't give up your seat. I just don't understand where all this deep antipathy comes from towards pregnant women and why it is so difficult to be compassionate towards the fact that they are often doing everything you did in a day PLUS carrying a child/hosting a life-form/however you want to think about it.

59. • Manhattan, NY

    • 55 friends
    • 15 reviews

    Basically, I'm terrified of children, extremely liberal in terms of reproductive rights, and generally am living the 'child-free existence' of any good yuppie in that the places I choose to frequent are often not 'family-friendly.' But I recognize that there's a whole world of pregnancy and children out there and that having a child, planned or not, is one of the hardest jobs in the world. AND that some people have different values than me and so that even if they did something stupid and are now dealing with the consequences with no perceived other option, that doesn't make them any less deserving of compassion.

60. • Washington, DC

    • 358 friends
    • 199 reviews

    I love it when women give up their seat for other pregnant women and then turn around and b out all the men =D
    'There aint no MAN up in here!!!!!' *hair swish*

61. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews
62. • Alexandria, VA

    • 14 friends
    • 0 reviews

    See, now I feel bad.
    In reality I am usually the first guy who offers a seat and I don't pressure people.
    If they decline I just accept it.
    I do not disregard that a woman is pregnant. I am strong enough to stand and offering my seat is a way of
    paying it forward to someone else.
    However, I do have a mean streak a mile long and if someone with kids asked me for the seat, Id grab the youngest of her children in a headlock and say 'OK, so do you want me to release the blue faced boy, or do you want the seat?'
    Just kidding.
    kinda.

63. • Washington, DC

    • 358 friends
    • 199 reviews

    Kids should be able to deal with it unless they're too small to walk/stand, etc. Most kids have a fit when the parents make them sit down anyways. Parents also need to teach their kids to shut up in small, enclosed areas.

64. • Seattle, WA

    • 374 friends
    • 1226 reviews

    I feel like my original statement has been misinterpreted:
    'Well that's one of the things you have to take into account when you choose to have unprotected sex....that you may get pregnant and that people may not be willing to give up their seats on Metro for you.'
    I did not intend for this to mean that most people are having children accidentally. Having unprotected sex is pretty much the best way to have a child on purpose.
    I'm just saying there are lots of things you take into account when you're having a child. For example, can you afford to feed and clothe them? Will you be comfortable standing on the Metro with your kids, or will it anger you every day if people don't offer you their seats?

65. • Elmwood Park, IL

    • 127 friends
    • 260 reviews

    Yeah it's not just men. I don't give a shit if some guy around my age doesn't let me have his seat. I'll stand, I can deal. But if I'm sitting on a full train and there is a hugely pregnant woman/really old person/someone on crutches, I'm going to offer my seat.

66. • Arlington, VA

    • 77 friends
    • 139 reviews

    I love it when women give up their seat for other pregnant women and then turn around and b out all the men =D
    'There aint no MAN up in here!!!!!' *hair swish*
    **********
    hahahahaha, I SO WISH I COULD DO THAT. I give up my seat to preggies and oldies and I try to catch the eye of some young whipper snapper who didn't volunteer his/her seat. If it's a young guy he might feel guilty and go 'oh, do you want to sit?' And I'm like, what kind of message does THAT send?!

67. • Haymarket, VA

    • 1278 friends
    • 4966 reviews

    I'm with Libby on this - I have always offered my seat on Metro if the seats were full to an elderly person or pregnant woman.

68. • Arlington, VA

    • 77 friends
    • 139 reviews

    To Lyz's/Mic's points, overtly knocked up women should get to sit because on a crowded metro with shitty brakes, people are falling and elbowing and whatnot--that's just plain dangerous. Frankly, pregged women make me nervous, and i'd prefer to have them quarantined to one area of the train. . .
    But to Nadine's point, at least about children, i agree. Other people shouldn't havet to be inconvenienced just because you had a kid. Same goes for in movie theaters and restaurants. Honestly, we need to bring spanking back as a society. I got spanked and i NEVER acted out in public. To this day I still don't talk back to my mother. If you can instill the same fear in your kids, then by all means, bring them out to play.

69. • Silver Spring, MD

    • 422 friends
    • 356 reviews

    maybe this explains your daddy issues, Bassey? But I don't think we should spank kids..... we need to start spanking adults!

70. • Washington, DC

    • 6 friends
    • 18 reviews

    I will give up my seat normally as the train starts to fill up(most of the time the trains i ride for work are empty)
    The thing I have seen on the metro the bothers me the most is the after school crowd. Groups of young teenagers that are causing problems on the train. They treat the metro as if it was a playground.

71. • Haymarket, VA

    • 1278 friends
    • 4966 reviews

    What I want to know is how/why Zhenya and Nadine automatically make a blanket statement that if someone is pregnant they must have had unprotected sex - WTF? Where the hell did that come from? You gonna quiz any pregnant women on the Metro about the circumstances of their pregnancy before you deem them worth of giving up your seat?

72. • Arlington, VA

    • 77 friends
    • 139 reviews

    Mic...perhaps you're right...hmmmm. kinky
    Neal, I don't think they mean unprotected sex as in slutty sex. I think they they mean in most scenarios, pregnany results from unprotected sex whether married and intended, or drunk and accidental.

73. • Haymarket, VA

    • 1278 friends
    • 4966 reviews

    Jonathan - sorry - that should have read accidentally gotten pregnant. :-)

74. • Carrboro, NC

    • 90 friends
    • 223 reviews

    Cindy 'Princess' L. says:
    Kids should be able to deal with it unless they're too small to walk/stand, etc. Most kids have a fit when the parents make them sit down anyways. Parents also need to teach their kids to shut up in small, enclosed areas.
    ---------------
    Wow Cindy, who declared you an expert on everyone else's kids? What parents teach their kids or what their kids can 'deal' with is THEIR business and not yours. I sure as hell wouldn't want to hear some kid crying that he's tired, or getting knocked over or accidentally stepped on by someone else, just because someone else won't move over.
    This is the metro, and yes, it's inconvenient to take kids on it. I don't think parents are taking young kids on it just for 'fun'. Maybe try being a little bit more understanding. That was the OP's point anyway - to try to get people to see the situation from her side, not invoke a lot of self-important complaining.
    One time I saw a mom feeding her kid a snack on the metro. At first I thought, hey, it's not really cool to be eating on the metro. But then I thought about it some more, and realized the mom probably had a good reason to be doing it, maybe the kid was hungry and would have been cranky otherwise, etc. Whatever the reason, I'm sure she was doing what was best even if it wasn't technically 'by the rules.'

75. • Haymarket, VA

    • 1278 friends
    • 4966 reviews

    Perhaps I read way more into their statements than was intended - it came across to me as - 'getting accidentally pregnant' vs. planning your pregnancy. Those who are accidentally pregnant are undeserving of having a Metro seat offered to them vs. women who did plan their pregnancy. :-)
    In any case, I will continue to offer my seat!

76. • Washington, DC

    • 152 friends
    • 176 reviews

    Bassey, maybe it comes from too much time logged watching daytime soaps. Do you know how many miscarriages I've seen due to falls and such. 'No Sharon! Watch out for that fallen chair strategically placed where you've tripped up!'

77. • Seattle, WA

    • 374 friends
    • 1226 reviews

    Neal, I was wording it that way to emphasize that pregnancy is a decision people make, not to imply that people are getting pregnant accidentally.

78. • Kathleen, GA

    • 146 friends
    • 556 reviews
79. • Silver Spring, MD

    • 422 friends
    • 356 reviews

    I think we should all stop bitching and bickering and go out and get a drink....... and then go get pregnant. It's always fun to get pregnant - we can worry about the birthing part later.

80. • Washington, DC

    • 358 friends
    • 199 reviews

    laura 'Mayor Bee' w. says:
    Wow Cindy, who declared you an expert on everyone else's kids? What parents teach their kids or what their kids can 'deal' with is THEIR business and not yours. I sure as hell wouldn't want to hear some kid crying that he's tired, or getting knocked over or accidentally stepped on by someone else, just because someone else won't move over.
    This is the metro, and yes, it's inconvenient to take kids on it. I don't think parents are taking young kids on it just for 'fun'. Maybe try being a little bit more understanding. That was the OP's point anyway - to try to get people to see the situation from her side, not invoke a lot of self-important complaining.
    One time I saw a mom feeding her kid a snack on the metro. At first I thought, hey, it's not really cool to be eating on the metro. But then I thought about it some more, and realized the mom probably had a good reason to be doing it, maybe the kid was hungry and would have been cranky otherwise, etc. Whatever the reason, I'm sure she was doing what was best even if it wasn't technically 'by the rules.'
    ******************************
    Hmm...I guess I came off 'angrier' than anticipated. I dont think you need to be expert to know how to behave in public, child or adult. I'm talking more about the kids who are screaming, jumping up and down, throwing tantrums and kicking and running around while parents just look on. I never was taught that was ok. And not only is it disturbing it's dangerous.
    Parents feeding kids snacks on the train. Sure no prob. Parents feeing kids a whole pizza with fixins, uh no.

81. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews
82. • Washington, DC

    • 358 friends
    • 199 reviews

    Bassey 'Fastest way to a woman's heart is thru her bra.' E. says:
    I love it when women give up their seat for other pregnant women and then turn around and b out all the men =D
    'There aint no MAN up in here!!!!!' *hair swish*
    **********
    hahahahaha, I SO WISH I COULD DO THAT. I give up my seat to preggies and oldies and I try to catch the eye of some young whipper snapper who didn't volunteer his/her seat. If it's a young guy he might feel guilty and go 'oh, do you want to sit?' And I'm like, what kind of message does THAT send?!
    ***********
    I totally believe in you! Try it next time :D
    Cuz sadly, there will be a next time.

83. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    What the heck? Apparently what I said violated the terms of service? Have you people read some of the other things in here? That's kind of messed up.

84. • Reston, VA

    • 20 friends
    • 42 reviews

    Zhenya B. says:
    What the heck? Apparently what I said violated the terms of service? Have you people read some of the other things in here? That's kind of messed up.
    -----------------------
    for a second, I thought you were gone for good. who flagged?

85. • Washington, DC

    • 152 friends
    • 176 reviews

    What in the world? What did you say that was so damn bad? I don't remember any sort of foul language. Shiiit!
    I'm with mic but I think we should just gt drunk and then go home and practice the act that gets you pregnant. No need for actual fertilization at this time.

86. This post has been flagged as inappropriate by the community and has been removed.
87. • Rockville, MD

    • 127 friends
    • 261 reviews

    Some people are just flag-happy up in here, Zhenya. Especially if they disagree with what you have to say. Don't take it personally.
    Whoever is flagging - if you're going to do that, at least have the decency to PM the person whose comments you're flagging and explain your reasoning. Don't be a coward.

88. • Rockville, MD

    • 127 friends
    • 261 reviews

    Hey Katie - stuff it with the 'Soviet Russia' comment. Want to practice 'being nice or leaving'?

89. • Washington, DC

    • 175 friends
    • 502 reviews

    Like I said, I'm confrontational... and if someone is a jerk about something, I don't mind calling them out on it.

90. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    Katie, I didn't even read what you had to say. Just know that although I was born in Soviet Russia...I grew up in the Bronx, so...as new yorkers say 'f*** you!'

91. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews
92. • New York, NY

    • 0 friends
    • 0 reviews

    Also...where the heck has Barbara been? She just started this thread and peaced out.

93. • Rockville, MD

    • 127 friends
    • 261 reviews

    Katie, you can disagree with someone and even 'call someone out' without resorting to making personal remarks, especially towards someone you really don't know at all.
    I myself may not necessarily agree with every single thing Zhenya had to say, but I see no need to be a jerk about it.

94. • Manhattan, NY

    • 55 friends
    • 15 reviews

    Yeah... despite my long incendiary rant, I think we've all agreed at this point that big pregnant belly=give up seat (at least in practice if not in theory), minus maybe zhenya who seems to be sticking with social darwinism and a couple of other people (not saying you're wrong or attacking in any way, just sayin'). None of this is reason for flagging or personal attacks though.

95. • Washington, DC

    • 175 friends
    • 502 reviews

    Ok, Irena, I see your point. Zhenya, I send you an apology if my words seemed particularly harsh. I guess I was only trying to match the harshness of some posts, and it's true that it's not just Zhenya's posts (although I got really riled up by the 'old biddies' comment) - others here, too.
    However, I still stand quite strongly by my perspectives. In a nutshell, giving your seat up IS, in fact, a common courtesy and it's one of many that make everyone's lives sweeter.

96. • Sault Ste. Marie, MI

    • 21 friends
    • 333 reviews

    I wonder what Rich L. would've said on this talk thread.....

97. • Rockville, MD

    • 127 friends
    • 261 reviews

    Katie, I agree with that. While I am not so crazy about the original poster's 'I expect!!!' attitude, I did say in an earlier comment that I felt people would be singing a different tune regarding giving up one's seat if the person in question was their beloved grandparent or their wife/sister undergoing a tough pregnancy. I personally try to look at it from that perspective all the time.

98. • Washington, DC

    • 358 friends
    • 199 reviews

    Rich L. would probably say that guys should shove a watermelon up there butt and try riding the metro without sitting and/or that these situations involve some sort of b-slapping and then we need to get on with our lives.

99. • Sault Ste. Marie, MI

    • 21 friends
    • 333 reviews

    Cindy I love it!
    ****muffling laughter in my cubicle

100. • Washington, DC

     • 358 friends
     • 199 reviews

     Lia D. says:
     Cindy I love it!
     ****muffling laughter in my cubicle
     **************
     We miss Rich L!!!!

101. • Rockville, MD

     • 127 friends
     • 261 reviews

     Ah, I remember the good ol' days of the daily 'Rich L vs Saurabh' threads... Man, those were hilarious. :-)

102. • Elmwood Park, IL

     • 127 friends
     • 260 reviews

     I know those were always so entertaining. I'd just watch greedily and cackle.

103. • Washington, DC

     • 152 friends
     • 176 reviews

     Do you think he is considering ever coming back or have we lost that source of entertainment for good?

104. • Sault Ste. Marie, MI

     • 21 friends
     • 333 reviews
105. • Sault Ste. Marie, MI

     • 21 friends
     • 333 reviews

     I saw him on a talk thread or two a few weeks ago....or was that his last one? I'm not sure.

106. • Elmwood Park, IL

     • 127 friends
     • 260 reviews

     Well the other problem is that Saurabh is perma-banned.

107. • New York, NY

     • 0 friends
     • 0 reviews
108. • Arlington, VA

     • 15 friends
     • 146 reviews

     OMG, more outcry about Katie Y.'s comment than ANY of the totally obnoxious, entitled, self-absorbed s**t that proceeded it?! Thanks, DC Yelpers, for continuing to show the kind and welcoming side of our fair city. _ /
     Katie Y. and Bassey, and mic - you've got the right idea.
     Everyone else - I hope you fall on the third rail, while carrying lots of bags and pregnant and/or old.

109. • New York, NY

     • 0 friends
     • 0 reviews

     Kirsten, looks like you've already beat us to the 'old'.

110. • New York, NY

     • 0 friends
     • 0 reviews
111. • Annandale, VA

     • 2 friends
     • 26 reviews

     Ann had a good point though. Elderly people are easy to spot. But what if the lady just 'looks' pregnant and is overweight instead. Wouldn't offering up your seat offend her? (like on the commercial).

112. • Washington, DC

     • 175 friends
     • 502 reviews

     Look, it comes to this - you don't have to make any kind of production out of offering someone your seat. Just get up, make eye contact with them, and point to the seat. It's that easy. If they decline, it's no big deal! People have often offered me a seat, and I'm not overweight at all. I just see it as a nice gesture, and maybe I'll take it, or maybe I'll decline.
     I can't believe that people need to be instructed on common courtesy. This isn't difficult, people. It's just something you DO, not something completely premeditated OR something that you jump up and down and say 'look what I did! I'm special!!'

113. • Arlington, VA

     • 15 friends
     • 146 reviews

     Zhenya - no harm/no foul, I'm admittedly crotchedy today.
     But re: the 'not wanting to offend people' excuse - occasionally a guy will offer me the chance to take an empty seat before he does. I in no way take offense to this gesture - why would I?! 'Oh, you're trying to be considerate. I hate considerate people.' I mean, it's not like you're TELLING the 'is-she-pregnant-or-is-she-just-heavy' woman that you're only offering her a seat because you think she's preggo. If she gives you a weird look (indicating she isn't 'with child'), just make up some excuse about getting close to your stop.

114. • Arlington, VA

     • 77 friends
     • 139 reviews

     I don't think anyone's disputing that it's a common courtesy to give up your seat to those who seem to need it more. I think we just have a few people playing darwin and pointing out that 'common courtesy' isn't a protected right and they're using silly/funny/rude examples to get it across. I don't like when people 'expect me' to do anything, but I'll gladly give up my seat on my own free will if I deem that it is necessary.

115. • New York, NY

     • 0 friends
     • 0 reviews
116. • Washington, DC

     • 152 friends
     • 176 reviews

     Vince, she doesn't have to know why you're offering the seat. Just walk away and I have rarely seen a fat woman who really looks 9 months pregnant. They are usually more fat than solid while pregnant folks big or small have a very smooth rounded stomach.
     Kirsten, that's not exactly promoting the spirit of niceness that you are trying to promote. For shame!

117. • Alexandria, VA

     • 14 friends
     • 0 reviews

     WOW! I stepped away and came back to Thread Wars.
     Over hear we have people talking about falling on 3rd rails.
     Then you have the Young and Crotchety.
     We are talking about seats on the Metro folks. Those coveted pieces of plastic wrapped in homeless funk and blue collar ass sweat.
     How about you folks with the vastly different opinion meet at DuPont Circle Starbucks and give each other a hug, or a standing guillotine submission hold.
     Will someone please dead this thread on a good note.
     Start with something like: 'Well here is my final thought.'
     And end with something like 'Take care of yourself, and each other'

118. • Silver Spring, MD

     • 422 friends
     • 356 reviews

     Steam massages with happy endings for everybody..... and cocktails. Think mellow.

119. • Rockville, MD

     • 127 friends
     • 261 reviews

     Mmmm cocktails.
     I think most of us would have compassion for a person clearly in need of a seat. Some of us were a little put off by the original post is all. And snark doesn't translate well on Internet threads. :-)

120. • Carrboro, NC

     • 90 friends
     • 223 reviews

     Now introducing, MetroSsage (TM), the metro car lined with massage tables instead of seats, and 24-hr cocktail service
     Certainly makes me want to commute!

121. • Elmwood Park, IL

     • 127 friends
     • 260 reviews

     Wait what did I say that makes me deserve a painful electrocution death?

122. • Chantilly, VA

     • 7 friends
     • 161 reviews

     WOW. I had no idea that what I wrote would be so incendiary.
     Just to clarify:
     I'm all for egalitarianism. The part about men was surprising to me, which is why I mentioned it. I think women AND men should give up their seats, not just men. Again, I was just surprised that older men who were raised a certain way in American society (giving up your seat, holding the door open, etc.) are acting in this way. I'm all for anyone giving up their seat to anyone.
     Secondly, the 'expect' thing got wildly misinterpreted. My original line was, 'I expect most people to have some compassion...' I didn't say 'I expect you to jump up and offer your seat because I had an extra Twinkie today and I *might* look pregnant. ' Didn't say, 'I expect to have the red carpet rolled out for me because I got pregnant.' Nope. Just expecting some empathy out there.
     And the whole thing about giving a kid a seat - it was more about giving the mother a seat. She's having a trying day. Help her out.
     I originally posted about the whole seat thing because I think it says something about how common courtesy is losing value in our society. But now I'm even more flabbergasted at the cruel statements about pregnancy and the bitterness here. No one is beholden to anyone else for anything, but would it really kill you to be kind? When you see a mother struggling with her kid, do you think, 'It's her fault she got pregnant, if she didn't have kids she wouldn't be having such a hard time?' Do you not think that there are times of joy for her as a mother, and maybe she's just having a bad day? If you saw someone fall down, would you help them up, or think, 'Damn, that person is so clumsy, it's their own fault they fell down?' Are you the person who hits 'door close' when you see someone coming toward an elevator you're on?
     And finally, do you hold the door open for your boyfriend, wife, girlfriend, husband, friend, boss, partner, neighbor, stranger ... anyone? Or do you just make sure it doesn't hit you on your own way through, and tough shit for whomever is behind you?
     There's no law that says we have to be nice to each other... but I hope that we WANT to be nice to each other. That's it.
     Oh, and for the record, I didn't flag anyone. Y'all are entitled to your own opinion (just like I'm entitled to want a pleasant society). I have to think that some of you are posting for shock value and that you're not really the anarchist you think you are. But if you are, and you need a seat ... I hope you find one anyway.

123. • Silver Spring, MD

     • 422 friends
     • 356 reviews

     good words Barbra B. and i hope this thread ends on that note..........
     now it's on to steam rooms, oily massages, cocktails and happy endings! (and maybe a pedicure too!)

124. • San Antonio, TX

     • 1419 friends
     • 1554 reviews

     I am saddened that I missed this thread, but I thought that I would just add this small contribution to the individuals who apparently have this existential dilemma concerning whether or not to give up a seat because they aren't sure whether the person is pregnant or not.
     You could just stand every time you take the metro. One of my old roommates used to do that. I'm not saying everyone should advocate this policy; I'm simply stating that you will never have to make the value judgment on pregnancy if you objectively decide to make it a non-issue.

125. • MD, MD

     • 9 friends
     • 81 reviews
126. • Washington, DC

     • 39 friends
     • 72 reviews

     Honestly .... maybe I am being callous and/or insensitive to the womenfolk, but if you look at someone and you are unsure if they are pregnant, then it probably means they don't need a seat. If I think they might be fat and not pregnant, I would not give them a seat (I don't give seats to people just because they are fat).

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